Bugs.
Bugs? Yes bugs. As you are probably aware, there are
thousands of people who suffer from arachnophobia, or a crippling “fear” of
spiders. I put fear in quotation marks not because I doubt its validity, but
because I know that phobias are more complicated than simple fear and
revulsion. Someone who is afraid of or repulsed by spiders may jump or curse or
swing wildly with a newspaper (or all three) when they meet one of the eight-legged
critters. Someone who suffers from true arachnophobia, though, might freeze,
burst into tears, or have a full on panic attack. They might not be able to
look at cartoon images of spiders, or even hear the name. There are hundreds of
phobias out there, so let’s choose another example: heights. A lot of people
have a healthy trepidation of high-up places. But maybe you have a friend who
keeps far away from railings, trembles while crossing bridges, and called in
sick for your birthday party at the indoor rock-climbing place.
The point I’m trying to get at is that phobias can cause
symptoms that may inconvenience, embarrass, or even endanger those people who
suffer from them. I’m not going to get into the science or psychology of what
causes them, but the information is out there if you’re interested (you can start your reading here). Friends and
family may suggest that their loved one “snap out of” or “get over” the phobia.
It’s not that simple. I don’t even know if there are medicines to help. From
the experts I’ve talked to, it seems that the two accepted treatments are
exposure therapy and desensitization therapy, both of which make the patient
confront their phobia: either quickly or in gradual doses.
I struggle with a few phobias. One was, very specifically, of
Pennywise the Clown from the miniseries based on Stephen King’s IT. I’ll get to the story of why I say “was”
in a little bit. Another is a pretty rough struggle with heights. Ladders,
steep stairwells, bridges, railings in the mall, bicycles…anything that takes
me more than a few inches off the ground is fair game (with the important
exceptions of airplanes and roller coasters). Living in Nepal has been helping
with this one immensely. The third is very random: centipedes. God, I hate that
word. I’ll use the Nepali word, khajuro.
More on this later.
My Pennywise phobia is a slowly fading memory, and credit for
this goes to my senior year roommates. You see, I had reached the point where
Pennywise was appearing regularly in my nightmares. I couldn’t see anything red
and white out of the corner of my eye without my heart skipping a beat. And if
I accidentally saw a picture on the internet? I’d end up in tears.
Now, no one can deny that Pennywise is a pretty freaky
character: it’s a clown that eats children. A shapeshifting clown, that takes on the form of its victims worst
fear, and then eats them. For some reason, the combined impression from the
book and miniseries festered in my brain.
Well, one day, I asked my roommates for help. I’m a big fan
of the Nostalgia Critic, and I knew he had a review of IT that was supposed to be pretty funny. So I asked my roommates to
watch it with me, and to make sure that I didn’t close my eyes whenever it
showed clips of the damn clown. And we did it, after they made sure I had a
glass of wine. But they had a second part that they added to my plan. Both of
them are fans of Rocky Horror Picture
Show, which I had never seen. They surmised that if I watched Tim Curry
dance around in dress, with good friends and good pizza, I could never be
afraid of him in clown makeup again.
They were right.
Khajuro have been a harder to beat. For many
years, I couldn’t even bear to read, speak, or hear their English name. I still
don’t like it, but I’ve gotten past that particular hurdle. Until then, my roommates
and friends would run interference for me: telling people not to say the word,
closing tabs on my computer if a random article included a picture of one, and
even making sure I didn’t look at picture of Dungons & Dragons monsters with
too many legs. One of my roommates, a super-talented art major, even tried a
form of art therapy with me one night when she really needed to be sleeping.
Seems pretty extreme, I know, but the precautions kept me
from curling up into a silently weeping ball—something I had no control over. Not
going to lie, but I definitely felt embarrassed by my reactions, and I felt
even more bad because I perceived myself as a burden to my friends. Well, there’s
a lot to be said about embarrassment and guilt, but this isn’t the time for
discussing it. Just remember that the closer you get to conquering your phobia,
the less you’ll experience those feelings.
There’s not an end to the khajuro
story yet (just like the bug, it goes on and on and on...ugh). But there are lessons
to be gained from it. In my experience, suffering from a phobia is a mental
illness that benefits more than most from external influence. While depression,
for example, is mainly an internal struggle, phobias are directly triggered
from outside your mind. Maybe that’s why friendly support is so effective. It’s
like telling your brain: “Hey, these people I love and trust aren’t freaking
out. Why am I? Look how calm they are.” Over time, that idea builds up, and if
you combine it with desensitization therapy, either with a professional or by
yourself, you might find your phobia becoming less and less extreme.
A few final words of advice. If you suffer from a phobia of
an animal or bug, knowledge is power. If you can’t bear to look at pictures or
photographs of your phobia-foe (like me), did you know that you can turn off
images on Google Chrome? That way, you can surf Wikipedia and the internet to
your heart’s content. Also, talk to people who are experts about whatever you’re
phobic of. The other day, while doing research on khajuro, I came across a great website dedicated to creepy-crawlies
by a man who not only likes them, but who knows a lot about them (website is here). The website had
a comment section, and I commented on an old article about an escaped giant khajuro. I was overjoyed when I got a
kind response that included a link to an article about (guess what?)
creepy-crawly phobias! (read it here)
So talk to experts, and talk to your friends and family.
Explain phobias to them, and ask them for help if you think they can give it.
Don’t forget to thank them. And if you find yourself on the path to recovery,
make sure you reach out to people who are still struggling.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or need
some advice. And remember, life is beautiful!
